


The Only Thing That's Real

by idra



Series: 30 Days of Fic (June 2017) [23]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Song fic (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 15:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11315946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idra/pseuds/idra
Summary: Steve focuses on the pain.





	The Only Thing That's Real

**Author's Note:**

> Day Twenty Three - song (with [youtube link](http://youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc)) - Hurt by Johnny Cash

Steve groans as he picks himself up off the ground where he’d been knocked by one of T’Challa’s guards. He faces off against them again, fighting as they outnumber him. He goes flying, hitting the wall behind him and he scowls when T’Challa steps in and calls a halt to the skirmish. “That’s enough, Captain,” he says when Steve gets back up and starts for the group. “You’re bleeding. Go see the doctors.” 

Steve just turns on his heel and stalks from the training room. He walks straight past the infirmary where Sam and Clint are sitting, nursing bruised ribs. His fault, he knows. He’d led them into a battle none of them had been prepared for. He makes his way to the weight room and starts punching the heavy bag. If he can’t punch a person, he’ll punch inanimate objects. He throws punch after punch until his arms won’t move and his hands are a bloody mess when he looks down. He steps back, breathing heavy and stumbles, hitting the ground. 

He sits there, staring at his bloody hands, watching as the skin slowly heals itself until familiar hands cover his own. He looks up, startled. “What are you doing here, Tony?” he asks, licking his lips.

“Why are you punishing yourself?” Tony lifts Steve’s hands and clucks his tongue. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Why are you here?” 

“Because you’re trying to kill yourself, according to Clint, Sam, and T’Challa. You’ve been pushing yourself in training to the point where no one wants to train with you. They’re all scared they’re going to hurt you or you’re going to hurt one of them. So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?” 

“I hurt everyone I love. My mom died because she couldn’t afford to get healthcare ‘cause she spent all her money on me. Bucky died because I wasn’t fast enough or strong enough to save him. Peggy... I couldn’t help her. Howard? He was my fault too because I didn’t go back for Bucky’s body. Pietro? My fault. Now I’ve got Sam, Clint, and Scott separated from their families because I had to be right. I nearly killed you,” Steve says, looking up finally and meeting Tony’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Tony. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t know how to tell you about Bucky killing your parents. It wasn’t that I wanted to protect him. I thought I was protecting you.” Steve ducks his head, eyes filling. “I’m sorry. I wish you’d killed me that day in Siberia.” 

Tony wraps his arms around Steve and sighs, whole body shaking at the reminder of Steve straddling him and shattering his suit’s reactor. “I never wanted you dead. I wanted Bucky to suffer and pay, but he is and he was. I was just too blinded by rage to see it. You’re not responsible for your mother’s death, any more than I am mine. You didn’t hurt Peggy in any way, except when you crashed the plane. But she understood. Trust me, I knew Aunt Peggy never blamed you.” Tony shifts a little, getting more comfortable and rubbing Steve’s back. 

“Howard?” he continues with a sigh, “Well, he made his own bed. Pietro is so far from being your fault that I should punch you for suggesting it is. Sam, Clint, and Scott made their choices. And I’m gonna be as honest as I can be, Steve. Bucky did not have to follow you to war. He chose to follow you. Maybe you could’ve found him, but why would you have thought he’d have survived? That fall would’ve killed a normal man and you didn’t know what Hydra had done to him.” Tony sits back and lifts Steve’s face up so he can stare into his eyes. “I chose to go after you and Bucky. I still don’t think you were right to keep my parents cause of death from me but, Steve, you’re my friend and my teammate and I miss you. I’ve got my legal team looking over the Accords so that we can work together again. In the meantime, I need you to stay whole. No more beating your hands to a bloody pulp, got me?” 

Steve looks up at him. “No promises.” 

Tony shrugs. “Fine. I need you to come back to me and the team, Steve.” 

“I’ll let you down, Tony. I’ll hurt you again.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Tony strokes Steve’s hair. 

“I could start over. Somewhere else.” 

“No, you can’t. Are you going to stop saving people?” 

“Maybe. I can’t keep hurting people.” 

“What about all the people you save? What about the hundreds of thousands that you’ve saved in your lifetime?” 

“I’m just so tired, Tony.” 

Tony gets to his feet and pulls Steve up as well. “Let’s go lay down,” Tony says, leading Steve to his bedroom.


End file.
